dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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