I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
