Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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