Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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