she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
