Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
