You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
