Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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