3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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