I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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