Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
