I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
