I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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