i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
