he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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