I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
