Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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