it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
