I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
