I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
