Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
