If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
