can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
