After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
