The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
