You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
