Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
