I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So many bounce houses so little time
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
