I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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