She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
