life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
