Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
