at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
