Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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