I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
