Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i will never coherently bang her
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
