I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
