This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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