I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
