I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
