and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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