remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
