i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize