last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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