One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
