Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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