I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sorry my hands just texted you
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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