I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
