she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
