Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
