He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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