You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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