and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
